12 Ways to Beat the Heat

1. GTFO.
Seriously. Get the Fuck Out. Everyone knows every summer is gonna be hot as hell. Dont act like you didnt know. The school skedge has it pretty dialed, tho we could all use an extra month off. Plan for a good week vacation, 2 if you can. You should probly have some sort of gig (music, art, skating, film) that you can enjoy elsewhere. Go do that. You are robbing yourself and others if you do not bring Phoenix (You!) somewhere else for a bit. There are festivals going on in most every other city. Phoenix summers are like Australian Xmas’s. Its just the wrong time. Everywhere else the summer is party time.

2. No really, week long, weekend, take a day trip at least.
There is no one that has to stay in Phoenix from June 1st till September 30th. Find which days suck worse for you in the Valley and avoid them. Everyone understands. Flagstaff in 2 hours away (by car) and has an entirely different climate. Even Tuscon is generally less hot. Trust me. Try it. AND Yo, you can get to a beach in 4.5 hours. The coast in a different country can be had before your energy drink wears off. LA and SD are less than 6 hours away. You are only hurting yourself by staying the whole summer. And do not pretend that owning a car is the only way. You can rent, borrow, carpool, bus, bike, or even hitchhike.

3. Pools.
If you dont have one, its time to play… “
Coolest Person / Closest Pool.” You can play this with anyone, but you basically work with whatever resources (homies) you have and figure out who the coolest person you know with the closest pool, is. You may have to call and ask a few friends, but that’s ok. Think about your friends chemistry and who would or would not appreciate each other. And bring beer. And snacks. Be hella considerate, cause you don’t want peeps thinking you blow spots. You can actually shiver when its 110+ out. Its trippy. try it.

4. Go Nocturnal.
Dude. Its the sun’s fault that its so hot. But its also the source of our existence… so you have to work with it. That doesn’t mean you have to be soaking some rays while the sidewalk is buckling. If you hadn’t noticed, the seasons and sunlight have a gradual approach. What I mean is, you should have not been out during midday for some weeks now. The mornings and evenings are cooler much longer than the day is. Learn to be outside within the hours of dawn and dusk. You can feel the shift more gradually when you notice the length of the rising and setting sun during the brutality of the summer. The nighttime is the only escape…thanks to the cars and their infrastructure the summer only cools about 2 dozen degrees, but its still better than catching fire. 

5. Rivers, Lakes, Streams.
There are a number of decent lakes nearby, some streams, some rivers, some good cliff diving spots. You dont need a boat (but I’m down to go if you got one!), or any fancy water party biz, sometimes its just good to see whats out there. Get ur homie with the car to drive. Look up a good spot. Ask around.

 

6. Make a Basement or Cave.
Dig a basement or find someone who has one. Shield your house and your windows. Set it up for basement mode. Block out that daytime sun. Maybe its time to crank out those 50k words for your book, piece together those beats for your album, or work on your new line of clothing. Learn chinese? Untangle some cords? You got some hours. Put ‘em to work.  The summer is a great time to sink some serious hours into whatever project you got going next. If you dont have any projects or ideas, hit up your friends.

 

7. Shower.
I bet you still take hot showers when its 120 out. Think about that. 

Even a quick and hot spray down can drop that body temp a bit and make the day a bit more bearable.

 

8. Hide.
Its a game. The sun is trying to burn you, melt your shoes, make you angry, make other people angry and then you are gonna have to talk to them. It incites road rage, drivers delirium, shoppers shut-down, and dangerous despair. Unless you are a solar panel, hide from the sun like a vampire. Now is not the time to go to Sun Tanama. Keep the sun off of every surface you come in contact with. Winners don’t get burned.

9. Sombreros + Sunglasses.
Baseball caps. Bucket hats. Straw hats, sun hats, newsboys, cowboys. Shit, rock a Fedora. Bandana? Get cool, get nerdy, get gangster, just get a goddamn hat. Who cares, just find something to put on your head. Wear a newspaper hat. Sunglasses too. You can get shades at the dollar stores. Crucial. Even better if they stay on your head when not over your eyes (so u remember where they are).

 

10. Turn off the Stove.
If you are hot, flames and ovens and hot shit will just make you hotter. Eat quick and easy stuff. Plan out some cold meals. Iced coffee. Salads. Frozen chicken. Jk. For reals tho, leave that kitchen a bit less hot. Look some recipes up online. Favor fruit, veggies… I dunno, sandwiches. There’s stuff out there. Cold junk. Or slip your pizza into your neighbor’s oven. No sense in everyone’s kitchen getting hot.

11. Turn off your stupid cars.
Black-top Asphalt, cities of concrete, tons of metal, exploding gas… all that shit is hot as fuck. Avoid as much of it as possible. Shaded parking, trees, carports, anything. Call in to work. Cars are evil. The almighty sun god is trying to hurt us with our stupid cars. 

12. Fight Club.
Just rules 1 and 2.
Brief comments are ok. There is no need to dwell on speaking about the heat. Its not new. Everyone knows. Its like constantly talking about ALL of your failures. It just makes everyone feel more anxious and awkward.
STFU.

 

 

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